


Hard to be the Survivor

by wanderingjedihistorian (RangerJedi67)



Series: Whumptober 2020 [4]
Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Whump, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Isolation, Loneliness, References to canon level violence, Wolffe fears for Jag's mental state but its nothing graphic, moving forward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26964505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RangerJedi67/pseuds/wanderingjedihistorian
Summary: Captain.It was strange how much a single word could sting, could burn.This wasn't fair.He had followed orders.
Series: Whumptober 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946806
Comments: 12
Kudos: 58





	Hard to be the Survivor

**Author's Note:**

> Whumptober continues.
> 
> This fic covers the following prompts:  
> No 12. I THINK I’VE BROKEN SOMETHING  
>  **Broken Down** | ~~.Broken Bones~~ | **Broken Trust**  
>  No 18. PANIC! AT THE DISCO  
>  ~~Panic Attacks | Phobias |~~ **Paranoia**  
>  No 19. BROKEN HEARTS  
>  **Grief** | ~~Mourning Loved One |~~ **Survivor’s Guilt**
> 
> Captain Jag's story is super vague. Wookiepedia says Jag "was disgraced and demoted after the tragic Retreat at Katraasi" and that Jag "embarrassed himself during the retreat and was demoted to Captain for his actions." That's all the detail is gives on the why, but that's when Plo snagged him. And we know Plo put him in a fairly important role. So the Soft Wars Discord decided that sounded an awful lot like his demotion was total BS.  
> This story was born from that discussion.

SWSWSWSW

Captain.

It was strange how much a single word could _sting,_ could _burn._

His General had _ordered_ him to retreat. Somehow, that order didn’t matter when it got his General killed. Without General Lissarkh to defend him, he was labeled a coward. He was told he had disgraced not only himself, but all of his brothers too. Jag was demoted to Captain and stripped of his command. He expected to be sent to a penal battalion, even though he had done nothing wrong. He had followed orders! That’s what a good soldier did, wasn’t it? 

Jag couldn’t suppress the fear when the news of his new assignment reached him. General Plo Koon. His late General’s former Master. Dread sank into his bones. He wouldn’t survive long, he was sure. There was no chance that General Koon didn’t blame him, no chance he’d be seen as anything other than particularly expendable droid fodder.

Commander Wolffe was there to greet him when he arrived at his new posting. Jag wasn’t sure if the General’s absence was comforting or disquieting. Logic told him that the General likely had better things to do than greet a Captain coming into his command.

“Just tell me the truth,” Jag said. “How bad is this going to be?”

Wolffe was startled by the question.

“What do you mean?” He demanded gruffly.

“We both know why I’m here. Let’s not pretend otherwise, please,” Jag asked. 

He didn’t beg. He wouldn’t. He still had some dignity. 

Wolffe frowned heavily. This was a conversation that shouldn’t be had in public.

“Come with me,” He said before leading Jag to small, but private quarters.

Jag looked around. They were small, but still decent quarters that were suitable for a Captain. Nicer than a disgraced former Commander expected to get.

“What happened to you was banthashit and we all know it. Footage from several of your men survived. _You followed orders_. What happened to your General wasn’t your fault. You didn’t deserve this,” Wolffe growled. He took a breath and then added, “My General...our General, agrees. He’s one of the good ones. He won’t hurt you, Jag. That’s not who he is.”

Jag would like to believe that. But he couldn’t, not yet. He admitted as much.

“He advocated for you. I heard him, Jag. This was purely Senate banthashit. They wanted to make an example of you, so that other clones ‘wouldn’t get ideas about abandoning their Jedi.’ The Senate war committee wanted to send you back to Kamino. Generals Koon, Windu, Kenobi, Billaba, and Fisto _all_ advocated for you. They insisted that wasn’t right. I know demotion and reassignment still isn’t _fair_ but it’s the best deal they could get for you. General Koon immediately demanded your assignment to him. After what happened with us and the _Malevolence_ , they weren’t about to deny him his request. But, Jag, he isn’t looking to punish you for what happened. He’s trying to protect you the only way he can.” 

“Don’t give me false hope,” Jag whispered. 

Wolffe realized his own words would never be enough. Jag wasn’t in the right place for them. More was needed. He called Comet, Sinker and Boost and had them stay with Jag while he went to the General. 

SWSWSWSW

“Permission to speak freely?” Wolffe asked as he entered the General’s office. 

Plo was surprised. Wolffe never asked anymore; he simply spoke.

“Always, you know that. Your thoughts are important, I want to hear any of them that you are willing to share.”

“Jag is in a bad place. He thinks you took him on to punish him,” Wolffe said bluntly.

Plo frowned, not that it was easy to see. That was a troubling matter.

“Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I will speak with him as soon as you feel he is ready.”

“The sooner the better, sir,” The Commander said honestly.

“Then please, let him know that I wish to speak with him.”

Wolffe nodded sharply and exited the office.

SWSWSWSW

Wolffe would be the first to admit that he wasn’t sensitive. But even he could see how badly Jag was faring. It was all so wrong. The other needed the reassurance that only the General and _time_ would give him. Well. Jag really needed for this whole thing never to have happened but nothing short of time travel or crazy Force osik could do that.

Wolffe only hoped the other could hold out that long, that Jag didn’t let the guilt and shame and fear eat him up from the inside.

He headed back to Jag’s quarters to deliver the General’s message.

SWSWSWSW

Jag stopped twice on the way to the General’s office to take a steadying breath. Wolffe had offered to accompany him, but he had refused the offer. He needed to do this on his own. He didn’t want to look _broken_ or damaged because of this.

He could do this. Wherever this conversation was going to lead, he could take it.

It wasn’t like he had a choice.

SWSWSWSW

“General,” Jag said, saluting crisply.

There was no hiding the tension in his body.

“At ease, Captain. My former Padawan spoke very highly of you, Captain Jag. I heard the recordings. You did as you were ordered; it is wrong to blame you for your General’s death. Lissarkh would not be pleased to know it has happened to you,” Plo said immediately, hoping to put the clone Captain more at ease.

“If I had known my retreat was going to get her killed, I never would have listened. I _liked_ my General,” Jag insisted.

Plo tried to keep his tone gentle and non-threatening. 

“I believe you, Captain. I believe you. Sadly, none of us can change the past. All we can do is go forward.”

“Of course, General. My apologies,” Jag said, his body completely rigid, but his heart resigned.

Plo frowned. His words didn’t seem to have helped; if anything Jag seemed even more tense than before. Best to push on then.

“I have chosen you to be a test pilot for the new Aggressive ReConnaissance-170 starfighter. I believe it will be a good use of your piloting skills,” Plo explained.

Test piloting the ARC-170? One of the most highly anticipated, highly coveted new ships in the GAR? This had to be a trap. First time a test went wrong, he’d be severely punished, Jag just knew it. A disgraced clone like him would never get that kind of job otherwise.

“Understood, General. Thank you, sir,” He said. 

Plo realized further conversation would not be helpful at that moment, so he dismissed the Captain.

Jag snapped out another crisp salute and exited the General’s office.

Plo sighed sadly.

“I promise you, Lissarkh, I will take care of him,” he said softly, knowing the Force would hear.

He reached for his comm a few moments later.

“General. Everything alright, sir?” Wolffe asked as the comm connected.

“I don’t think my attempted talk with Captain Jag helped. Please, Wolffe, keep an eye on him. Keep me updated if he seems to have trouble,” Plo said sadly.

“Yes, General!” Wolffe acknowledged rapidly.

The clones take care of their own however they can. They would help Jag cope- if he let them.

SWSWSWSW

Wolffe was frustrated. It had been weeks and Jag was still isolating himself. He never stayed in the mess hall for meals. He never spent time in the rec rooms or the gym. He wasn’t trying to get to know anyone. He wasn’t trying to settle in. Jag didn’t seem interested in pulling the pieces back together and starting over. It was as worrying as it was frustrating. They couldn’t _help_ if Jag didn’t let them.

Jag didn’t seem to want help.

Wolffe tried not to fear the worst.

SWSWSWSW

Jag couldn’t bring himself to try to get to know those around him. It made him think too much, worry too much. Were _his_ men who had survived alright? Was their new Commander looking after them? Had they gotten a good General? He hated this. It wasn’t _fair. He had followed orders._

And he missed _his_ Jedi. She had been a good one who cared about her men. She was kind, but fierce in battle. It had been an honor to serve with her. The memories were tinged with bitterness now. No matter how much freedom a clone thinks he has with a good Jedi, it's all an illusion, really. It can disappear in the time it takes for a blaster to fire. Jag needed to remember that.

If either of them had to die, it should have been _him_ , not his General. 

The clones didn’t matter. They were nothing of consequence, just bodies to be used to fight a war. 

Jag wouldn’t let himself forget that again.

SWSWSWSW

Jag didn’t understand what had happened. Everything had gone well in simulations. Everything had gone well during testing. Why did that system fail??? And of course it failed during a mission. There was no doubt that General Koon would be angry with him. He wondered if this was the opportunity Koon had been waiting for, the chance to punish him without it seeming like revenge.

General Koon, dirty from the battle still himself, was waiting. 

Kark. That could only mean something terrible.

“Captain Jag, are you alright? I heard what happened,” the General told him.

Jag straightened his shoulders. He would face this with dignity.

“I apologize for this failure, General. I am uncertain the cause at this time,” he replied.

The General seemed saddened by his response. Why?

“I don’t mean the mission, Captain. Systems fail. I trust you will find the cause and it won’t happen again. I mean, you. Were you hurt?” 

Jag was astonished. General Koon...cared if he was injured?

“A little banged up, General, but nothing of note,” he offered cautiously.

“I am pleased to hear it, but you should let the medics check you over anyway, just to be certain. And then get some rest. You look tired,” the General said.

The tone was almost _gentle._

Jag didn’t understand. He had _failed._ His ship suffered a system failure that meant he failed his part of the mission. The General should be _angry._ He should be facing some sort of censure or even discipline. Instead, the General was asking after his well-being and telling him to rest???? This...was not what he had expected, coming to serve this Jedi.

“Yes, sir,” he responded quietly.

SWSWSWSW

Jag was still reeling when he tracked Wolffe down after being cleared by the medics.

“He asked if I was ok,” Jag whispered as he sat on Wolffe’s bunk, staring at his hands. “I _failed_ but he wasn’t angry. He just...wanted to know if I was ok.”

The Commander sat down next to the other man and pressed their shoulders together. He felt the other slump against him.

“General Koon is a good one, Jag. He wants you to settle in here and _be_ ok. He gave you an assignment fitting for your skills without directly burdening you with the life of a Jedi again. He was never interested in hurting you. He isn’t like that,” Wolffe assured, intentionally keeping his voice calm and soothing.

It was far from his normal tone, but Jag wasn’t in the right mental place for his usual gruff demeanor. Being a good Commander meant knowing how to read your men. Being a good _brother_ meant knowing when someone just needed comfort.

For the first time since the death of his General, since he lost his rank and command...Jag wept. Wolffe slipped an arm around his brother and tugged him close. Jag cried into Wolffe’s chest. As the tears ran dry, shame began to rise to replace the grief that had been weighing on his chest.

“You can knock that off right the kriff now,” Wolffe said sternly, pulling Jag from his thoughts.

“What?” he asked, confused.

“I can _feel_ you starting to feel ashamed. Don’t. This war is hard on all of us. Grieving for those we have lost isn’t wrong and it isn’t something to be ashamed of. It isn’t wrong to hurt for yourself either. You were unfairly blamed for your General’s death because the Senate needed to blame _someone._ You’ve bottled this up for too long. You’re dealing with it now. I won’t let you feel ashamed of that,” the Commander said, tone firm.

“Will you at least let me thank you for letting me cry all over your shirt?” Jag asked carefully.

Wolffe rolled his eyes before agreeing.

“Fine. But if you mention this to _anyone_ ….” he let the threat trail off.

Jag’s laugh was wet, but real.

Wolffe would take it.

SWSWSWSW

**Author's Note:**

> Lissarkh's Wookiepedia page is pretty empty. All we really know is she was a Trandoshan female, Plo was her Master and she was Knighted shortly before TPM.


End file.
